distance

distance its just digits. the same way we invented math and create digit to count it, we invented cars and trains and most important of all, thoughts to narrow them down

Love is a choice not a feeling

Throughout our lives, we're told a lot of bullshit about love.
For example:
"Love means never having to say you're sorry." - "Love is blind."
And my personal favourite one: "You complete me."
As if another human being can actually make an unfulfilled person
become whole!This is trully ridiculous! God knows how many times ive heard those phrases and how many times i will be the one who feels like telling them. but thats not the point. the point is, do we actually know what we are doing when we are speaking out those words? do we really mean them or its just infatuation words we later on regret?!
well, whether they come in the form of song lyrics (i would know about this), movie lines (i would know about this), or cliche phrases passed down from generation to generation (oh i would know about this as fucking well), these
myths distort our thinking and cause us to develop unrealistic expectations of love.in other words, they help us/make us built an idea of love that aint right. and i say 'help us' because most of the times we want to have that idea. we feel that we owe it to ourselves to be happy so its like we built a paradise and then we try to get in.
those unrealistic expectations can cause a lot of drama.. but why? i keep wondering myself that and the answer is that it seds you up to be unhappy later. once you realise you cant get into the picture youve built in your head, hence, big disappointment. that is what kills the relationship since you are being prevented from developing and anjoying a real, healthy rship

When you're in love, you feel that butterflies-in-your-stomach, excited, happy, romantic, lovey feeling all the time. If that feeling goes away, something is wrong. but how true is this? When you accept this , no relationship of yours will ever stand a chance.i mean, who came up with the 'butterflies and the happy feeling in the first place?who? whoever did, i dont believe that that same very feeling can stay there for ever.
That's because a relationship between two human beings, each with their own flaws, is bound to have problems to work through and challenges to overcome. so they are gonna be moments where youre gonna be annoyed, angry or even bored with your guy!
In other words, when you expect something impossible from someone you love (for example perfection), you're bound to end up resenting them for letting you down. and while we all know that no one is perfect, thats what we all look for!

love is a CHOICE, not always an EMOTION. because sometimes when youre angry you dont wanna talk to the other person. you have every right to and you are probably doing the right thing. EMOTION. but what will make you go back and talk to him, accept his apology or give it, or even the feeling that somethings wrong and youre sad, well thats CHOICE. and it springs out from love. how many times we put down our own ego because we just want to move on with our guy? how many times we say we are sorry altho we feel that we have done nothing wrong? that is CHOICE.
In a relationship that lasts, each partner wakes up every day and actively CHOOSES to love their mate whether they feel the 'fucking butterflies' or not on that particular day.
Of course there should be romance and passion and excitement, but not every moment is going to feel like a honeymoon in paradise.That's not the way life goes.
i should know better because im one hell of a romantic guy, but it stars like a huge wave and then becomes a lil one on the shore. when i meet a guy im overly romantic to show him that i care. i cant help it otherwise. its in my brain. later on im explaining why.. back to my point, when i get into a rship with that very same guy i am less romantic and more realistic. i show him that i care but im not all over him. which is wrong because i scare them away with all my affection.. but thats another story.
When you adjust your expectations accordingly, you'll find that your satisfaction with your relationship will increase. and i wish everyone will did that. just have no expectations would be better but thats like asking global peace! (actually that would be easier)
Sure, you will get annoyed with one another. You will fight. You will struggle sometimes to figure out where the relationship is going. But you'll realize that it's normal to do so and that knowledge will give you the strength you need to work through it. what comes to my mind now im saying this is a lyric which says: 'the experience of survival is the key, to the gravity of love'. so very true to be a song.
I can speak from personal experience on this.
My last guy used to be my fav person in the world, and my relationship with him was better than any I've experienced in my life, and despite this fact, I still didn't always feel that "loving feeling" every day.

When we first started dating, we were together non-stop. We couldn't
get enough of each other. My heart skipped a beat every time he
walked in the room. Every joke he told was hilarious, every thought
he uttered was brilliant. In my eyes, he could do no wrong.

Now here i am several years later and life has gotten a little more, well, REAL.
Sometimes we used to get in a silly disagreement and it takes a day to
shake off that icky feeling (I call it a "fight hangover").
Sometimes I just need a break - a little alone time to read a book
or meet my mates for coffee, and that's ok.That doesn't mean that I didn't used to love him with every ounce of my being.
it s possible to LOVE someone even when, at the moment, you don't LIKE them very much! haha imagine you and your mum! sometimes you dont like her but you always love her!

When this happens, I know that those feelings of irritability or boredom will pass. And all it takes is connecting through a great conversation, a romantic date-night, or some other reminder of just how amazing our bond really is for that so "in love' feeling to come flooding back in. *crossing fingures*

One other important point that I want to bring up is that this"floating-on-Cloud-9" feeling that many of us associate with love is actually a result of a chemical released in our brains during the first few months (or years, depending on the scientific study you refer to) with a new partner. i have a few books for you to study if you want. and you can have my assignments as well.

This is called the "infatuation" phase. we all know what it is so i wont explain it any further as i would normally do :)

When you get into an established, long-term relationship with someone, a different chemical actually kicks in. One that makes you feel calmer, more secure and connected. This is a good thing - it means that you can actually come down from your whirlwind of can't-sleep-can't-eat-all-I-can-think-about-is-him and begin to
build a solid relationship based on who you really are as individuals and rooted in reality. thats why a lot of couples realise that they dont match as soon as they get married! call it excitement that last until commitment, call it what you want. it happens.

The downside is that those initial butterflies and excitement will subside quite a bit once you've hit this phase. It's completely normal and, frankly, unavoidable.
The good news is that you can get a lot of that exciting feelingback. It just takes a little effort.

Plan special dates. Take a little getaway (even a spur-of-the-moment weekend trip will do the trick). Do something spontaneous, like leaving a note in his briefcase that says "Come straight home tonight - I have a surprise for you" and greet him with a home cooked candlelight meal. or a shag. not neccesarilly with the right order :) All of these things will help to bring the butterflies back ... and keep them lasting long after your special moment is over.

Solutions to problems and the problem to the solution

i quess whoever made the rule knew better. i think what we are doing wrong as humans is not taking every moment as a special one and cherish it. its much more easier to miss something after its gone rather than when we already have it. maybe because we are too busy enjoying it.

i should know best about this one. ive always the guy who would like his jeans to be worn and slightly worn out, the one who would love the scratches on his ipod, the scratches on my character. that way i feel it mine: my jeans, my ipod, myself..
i know im right when i say that the result of the equation makes you realize how hard/interesting was the problem. its always the solution that makes you understand the problem.

and while some people are looking for solutions, life goes by with more problems. life is balanced as it is and we will never be creative enough to solve those problems. aka cherish every moment as it is. live now and forget later.

i hope to have confused you enough..

How to Survive Valentines day!

Hey all,

I have a confession to make:

I'm not crazy about Valentine's Day. In fact i hate it.

Now you may be wondering why a dating blogger doesn't LOVE the so-called "most romantic day of the year."

Well it's because this silly little holiday (hyped up commercially to sell greeting cards, chocolates and overpriced long-stem roses) has been so BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION that it causes millions of people undue stress and misery!

If you're single, you may dread Valentine's Day because you don't have a date or aren't in a relationship with someone special.

But that doesn't mean that couples are off the hook:

Men feel pressure to spend a lot of money to impress their date (restaurants knowingly create a "special" high-priced menu and the cost of flowers goes through the roof).

If you're dating someone, you may stress out trying to find the "perfect" meaningful gift ("What says 'I care' in a way that won't freak him out?")... or waste hours needlessly searching
for the "hidden meaning" behind your date's present (e.g. "I wanted jewelry and he got me a blender").

Now don't get me wrong... when observed in the APPROPRIATE spirit (a lighthearted day to celebrate love, a great excuse to eat chocolate all day), Valentine's Day can be great fun.

I only take issue with the holiday when all of the pink-and-red decorations, overflowing candy aisles and "a Diamond is Forever" commercials cause a perfectly beautiful and amazing creature like you to feel overwhelmed or inadequate.

So whether you're planning on hiding out and waiting for the day to pass...

...Or are looking forward for a creative way to RECLAIM Valentine's Day - a celebration that will take this over-hyped holiday and make it fun no matter what..

For women and men who are seeing someone casually, I have just one piece of advice: Try not to put too much importance on this one day.

If your date plans a night out, great! Have fun, but don't judge the status of your relationship entirely on what happens on this one day. If you're not serious, I suggest getting your day a humorous card (steer clear of the mushy-gushy cards or he/she might read too much into it) and maybe bake him/her some cookies, but leave it at that. (That means NO stuffed puppy dogs holding red satin hearts that say 'I Woof You!')

Now if you DON'T get asked out by the person you're seeing, don't assume this means that he's/she's not interested in you. I've heard firsthand from many people that V-Day freaks them out. As we discussed above, they feel pressure from the outside world to make everything romantic and "perfect" and might not know how to do this if they're just in the beginning stages of getting to know you. It's likely that he just panicked and decided that beers with the guys is a lot less stressful than trying to impress you and possibly falling short of your expectations.
Unless you're serious/committed, cut him/her some slack.

And if you're SINGLE, well, the first important thing to remember is that you're not ALONE.

Although the greeting card, floral and diamond industry would have you believe that you're the only single person on the planet, nothing could be further from the truth. There are millions of people all over the world (a few supermodels included) who will be spending Valentine's Day without a date.

Here are 4 ways to celebrate (or not!):


4. TREAT V-DAY LIKE ANY OTHER SATURDAY.

On February 14th, go about your day as if it's just a normal Saturday and remember that there is absolutely no correlation between your self-worth and how cool your social plans are during one lousy 24-hour period. When you see lovey-dovey couples smooching on the subway on your
way to work, try to resist the urge to gag or yell "get a room!" Wow your boss with your clear-headed productivity on a day when others are distracted with Valentine's Day silliness. Head home and watch some TV, and go to bed early. Your body will love you for the extra rest and February 15th will be here before you know it!


3. SHARE YOUR LOVE WITH THOSE IN NEED.

If you have some free time on Valentine's Day, why not volunteer in your community? Whether you're helping out feeding the homeless at a soup kitchen, reading to children at an after-school program, visiting with the elderly at an assisted-living facility or walking dogs at a rescue shelter, sharing your love will definitely bring love back to you. When you're selflessly dedicating your time and energy to helping others, it's impossible to feel sorry for yourself. Plus you'll be brightening other people's day.And who knows? You might just meet a cute do-gooder guy/girl
there! BONUS!

2. DATE YOURSELF.

Just because you're not going out with a guy on Valentine's Day doesn't mean you can't have a fabulous date night... with yourself! Now before you say, "Easy for you to say"I have to tell you that THIS is what I'M doing for V-Day.. I plan on treating myself to a massage at my favorite spa, followed by ordering in dinner from my favorite restaurant and a horror movie! I am really looking forward to the opportunity to relax and pamper myself - you should too!

1. HOST A GIRLS' - BOYS'-NIGHT-IN.

Whether you're feeling ambitious (dinner party) or lazy invite your single mates over to commiserate, laugh, and chat.